*ahhhhhhhhh

i think the nerves are FINALLY getting to me now. i've got butterflies in my tummy and it feels really weird >"< last night, i was telling christine how i am felling stressed because i am not stressed. geddit? but now...oh dear!!!

i woke up 2 hours early today. dont ask me why..i was initially planning to study for an hour, but that obviously didnt happen (and i saw it coming too..), hence why i'm blogging away..i still have 1/2 hour to fix my hair and pack up all my notes and tidy my room a wee bit before leaving.

i'll have about 2 hrs to burn in the city before my test, so i might go study at starbucks or something. there's no chance i'll be able to get a place to sit at lvl4 so why even bother...

ahh the nerves! the nerves!!!

got a wake-up-txt from R this morning and it was so obvious i was grouchy. hahaha i think he txted me around 7am if i'm not mistaken and i was like "wakey me ass!", in response to his "kiaora wakey wakey!" txt. then i told him i'll txt him again later when i'm awake coz i really needed my sleep. but when i woke up, it was time for him to do lessons so he could only send me one txt :(

speaking of lessons and R, before i officially started work at LEP (when i was still on training), i saw R teaching the wee kids how to swim. and from then on, i've been really inspired to work with kids, esp when teaching them how to swim. i saw how R was really patient with them, and the words that he used were so.....i dunno how to put it, but it was so effective with the kids. i mean, the R that i knew then was a totally different R to the one i now know. he was the snobbish and lazy one at work, always pointing out he has authority over all the staff. everyone hates his guts and they still do now..

however, over the last few weeks, he's been really hardworking. well, from what i see when i close up with him anyway. usually, he'll leave me to do all the cleaning and he'll be up in the gym chatting away or he'll be in the office checking his email or something. but of late, he'll actually go get the soap/ disinfectant and scrub down the sauna and steam rooms and even get the spa covers. so all i really have to do is just hose down and help him a little with the spa covers.

i dont know if this is the case with everyone else, but yeah, it's amazing how he's actually doing some work now. getting to know him better over the last week or so has really brought me to see a totally different side of him so that's good i guess.

but guess what? since it's me, i'll never get what i want. maybe it's just my life..where i can never really have something i really want or perhaps i just have too much of an expectation....

okay i think that's the nerves talking so i'm gonna sign off now. toodles~