fat girl blues

i feel disgusted with myself.

i put on my racer back top this morning, and i saw the lump of fats around my tummy and i was purely disgusted at the way i looked. i stared at myself in the mirror, and thought about my weight gain recently.

now, it may be a combination of things, but i really cant be sure. firstly, it might be the pills that i'm taking for my pimples. secondly, the weather's gone crazy over the last couple of weeks and i'm eating a lot more than my usual portion (i seem to be munching on something all the time!) and thirdly, the weight gain is contributed from my swimming routine BUT the lump of fats kinda gives it away that i gained FATS and NOT MUSCLES.

and just before, on one hand, i was clicking away on weight management websites, and on the other hand, i was feeding myself tictacs..."freshness in only 2 calories!"

-_________________-

tomorrow...tomorroww.....i'm gonna go do 20 laps in the pool or maybe more coz usually i do about 20 anyway and my legs arent jellified yet, so tomorrow...i'm gonna break a record and swim heaps!

hopefully, in 2 months, my stomach wont resemble this: