i almost cried this morning. i'm just not really feeling good? like, i dont feel like talking or anything. i just wanna be alone.

i went to see this lady at the science student centre to discuss about replacing one of my papers with a math paper. she said NO almost immediately because "chemmat211 is a core paper, and what's the use of the uni sending students out into the industry without completing their core papers?"

when she said that, i could feel my heart shattered into a million pieces, there was no way to piece them back together. i could feel tears rushing to my eyes, but i held them back. i remained silent for a while, and she kept talking about laurie allowing students to do this because he feels pressured and because he has a soft heart.

then she looked up and must've seen how upset i looked, coz she then said "what i can do is to speak to the associate dean but she's away now until early october. i'll talk to her and see if she thinks my decision is too harsh, but in my opinion, i wont let you replace chemmat211 with maths208"

*sigh*

if i'm not approved to do maths208, i'll be staying for another semester. so i asked her if it's possible to put my course on hold for maybe a year or something and come back to continue doing it and she said yes. if i really have to, i think i'll take a year off from uni and go work and travel at the same time. but i think my dad'll want me to finish off my degree. but you know what? i dont care what people want me to do. it's my life i'm leading so why should people tell me what to do?

i always get things like "see! i told you to do computer science and you didnt want to. now you dont even like food science!" thrown at me and it's really annoying coz how does he know i would've liked computer science if i did it? i'm no good at computers at all..why computer science?! there isn't even a demand for computer science in nz!

but i really dont care anymore. a degree ain't everything, but of course, it would be better to have one right? so people, please pray that the associate dean will approve for me to do maths208 ok? if i do maths 208, i'll finish my degree in february coz i can do summer school, but if i dont, i'll finish in july which means all my work and travel plans can be thrown into the drain.

remember to pray!!