it makes me wonder sometimes, if i'm digging a hole for my own, due to certain things that i do..

so last night, i was browsing through some stuff, found out a few things which i would rather not know, but that would be wrong if i didnt find out one way or another. it made me really upset, made me weigh my decisions again to evaluate if the choices i make are the right ones.

right until now, sitting on my bed, thinking everything through again, i still cane make a decision. part of me is saying what that person has done is totally wrong, but part of me is asking me to stay where i am now. the said person has apologised a million times, over and over, but again, when something like what happened, happened, what am i supposed to do?

thinking it through, it just seemed wrong and unfair that i have to be put in this situation. why me? what have i done in my (past) life that i always have to deal with the issue of trust? was i a great liar back in the days, hence i'm suffering now? is it some form of punishment? or is it because my life is simply messed up?

i feel like taking a breather at this stage because i'm feeling so indecisive. after a whole night and a whole night's worth of thinking about it, i still cant come to a conclusion. honestly, what is a girl supposed to do when shit hits the fan? run?

and you know what? the more i think about it, the more i feel like packing my bags and fleeing this damned world :(